Where Are Your Manners?!

I had just finished a wonderful day with my nieces and nephew. We’d played, laughed, and made memories—the kind of joyful chaos that comes with spending time with little ones. But as any caregiver knows, fun comes with repetition. And on this day, I found myself constantly prompting them to say “please” and “thank you.”

Children don’t automatically understand the value of manners; they need to be taught. As the day wore on, my patience wore thin. I gently reminded, then firmly corrected, and finally became exasperated. Manners matter, and I was determined to teach them well.

So when I stopped at a fast-food restaurant later that evening, I was still in teacher mode. I heard the someone say, “Gimme,” and the someone else say, “I want that.” And without even thinking, I blurted out, “Where are your manners?” I was standing in line behind a middle-aged couple placing their order.

There was silence. I looked at them… and they looked back at me—shocked. In that instant, I realized my mistake. I had dropped off my nieces and nephew earlier. These weren’t kids. They were adults. And I had corrected complete strangers.

Awkward. And kind of hilarious. But it also made me reflect: what does it say about us when even grown adults have forgotten to use basic courtesy?

Manners Are for Everyone

We often think of manners as something we drill into kids—table etiquette, respectful greetings, learning to say “excuse me.” But somewhere along the way, many adults abandon what they once were taught. Busyness, entitlement, frustration, or simple forgetfulness take over.

But manners aren’t just childhood rules—they’re a lifestyle of consideration. And Scripture supports that.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”
—Philippians 2:3 (NIV)

True manners come from humility. They say, “You matter. Your time matters. Your presence is worthy of respect.” When we forget to show courtesy, we may unintentionally communicate that we value ourselves more than those around us.

What Are Manners Really About?

Manners aren’t about putting on a fake smile or parroting polite phrases. They’re about:

• Honor – Showing respect to others as fellow image-bearers of God.
• Humility – Not demanding what we want, but asking kindly, knowing we’re not entitled.
• Gratitude – Acknowledging when someone serves, helps, or gives something.
• Patience – Waiting our turn, listening fully, and not dominating a conversation.
• Peace – Living in a way that makes life more pleasant for those around us.

These virtues aren’t optional—they’re part of Christian character. When we are courteous, we reflect the heart of Christ.

Jesus Modeled Courtesy

Jesus, though fully God, treated others with immense respect. He welcomed children, listened to the brokenhearted, and honored even the outcasts. He healed with compassion and taught with kindness. When He corrected, He did so with grace. Even in confrontation, He preserved the dignity of others.

Jesus didn’t storm into places demanding attention. He didn’t interrupt or disregard the marginalized. He was never rude or dismissive. In fact, the only time we see Him flipping tables was in defense of the sanctity of God’s house, not personal pride.

“Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.”
—Philippians 4:5 (NIV)

Manners reflect gentleness. And gentleness reflects Jesus.

How We Lost Our Manners

Today’s culture often rewards aggression, loudness, and self-promotion. Social media thrives on snark and sarcasm. Impatience reigns in traffic, checkout lines, and online comment sections. In such a climate, kindness can feel rare, and politeness—obsolete.

We’ve also bought into the lie that “being real” means being unfiltered. But authenticity isn’t an excuse for rudeness. True authenticity aligns with love.

“Love is patient, love is kind… it is not rude, it is not self-seeking…”
—1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (NIV)

As followers of Christ, we’re called to stand out—not by being louder or tougher, but by being kinder and more respectful.

Bringing Manners Back—One Act at a Time

We don’t need a massive campaign to restore good manners. It begins with small decisions:

• Say “please” when making a request.
• Say “thank you” for every act of service, no matter how small.
• Hold the door open—for anyone.
• Smile and greet people by name.
• Apologize quickly when you’re wrong.
• Listen without interrupting.
• Speak respectfully, even when disagreeing.

These simple actions become habits. And those habits shape a life.

Teaching the Next Generation

Children learn best by example. If we want them to say “thank you,” we must say it too. If we want them to treat others kindly, they must see us doing the same.

The moment in the restaurant reminded me: It’s not just about teaching kids to be polite. It’s about adults embodying the standard we expect. The habits we demonstrate will become the habits they adopt.

Manners Evangelize

Politeness may not be listed as a spiritual gift, but it is a powerful witness. In a world filled with anger, impatience, and entitlement, a genuinely courteous person stands out. People notice.

Why? Because good manners come from a good heart.

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt…”
—Colossians 4:6 (NIV)

Grace-filled words. Respectful tone. Humble posture. These are not just social expectations—they are Kingdom values. And they open doors for the gospel.

Final Thought: Where Are Your Manners?

It was a humorous moment, but a convicting one. My rebuke wasn’t meant for that couple—but perhaps it was meant for me too. A reminder that kindness never goes out of style, and that everyone—young or old—needs to be reminded of the beauty of courtesy.

So let’s bring back manners. Let’s be quick to thank, slow to demand, eager to bless, and ready to listen. Not just to teach children, but to shape a culture where respect, dignity, and love are once again the norm.

Because in the end, manners aren’t just about behavior—they’re about character. And character is what makes Christ known.